


Noct’s Saturday D&D

by FrostheartPhoenix



Series: Saturday Night D&D [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons References, Fluff and Humor, Game Night, Gen, friends and family bonding, shameless character flirting, tipsy gaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostheartPhoenix/pseuds/FrostheartPhoenix
Summary: For the prompt:Someone's running D&D. It's been explained that when you roleplay, you should be playing a role that's different to the one you play in real life. So everyone's picked characters that are drastically different from themselves. Everyone thinks this is awesome and is enjoying themselves immensely, except the poor DM.Seriously EVERYONE, whoever you can write in, Iris, Nyx, Luna, this is crackfic, go nuts++++++++++++ Regis gets in on it
Relationships: Clarus Amicitia & Cor Leonis & Regis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia & Prompto Argentum & Noctis Lucis Caelum & Ignis Scientia, Noctis Lucis Caelum & Nyx Ulric
Series: Saturday Night D&D [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049207
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	Noct’s Saturday D&D

Noctis could not believe his life had come to this. Obviously some Astral or another had thought that his life was not embarrassing enough being a Prince with the social grace of a cat dumped in a bathtub of water. No of course not. They decided that on top of that he would have to Dungeon Master a game of D&D not just for his friends but his dad and his friends as well.

Regis had freed up some time in his schedule to spend an evening with Noctis hoping for a nice family dinner or something. Since Noctis had moved out of the Citadel they didn’t see each other as much and although the thought had been in the right place, sadly it was on the night of Noctis’s D&D game he ran for his friends.

Regis had said not to bother about it and just enjoy the night with his friends but Noctis heard the disappointment in his father’s voice so had for some reason offered for his dad to come over as well. They could meet early for dinner at his before the game started.

Noctis hadn’t really expected his dad to say yes. When Regis replied in the positive that he hadn’t played since college himself and he’d look forward to it. Was there anything he could bring over? Noctis was caught off guard. He found himself mumbling something about snacks and something to drink before confirming the time and hanging up. He had been meaning dinner before the game not joining the game as well but... his dad did sound happy and it would be nice to see him. It would be fine for one night.

Noctis stared at his phone for a bit letting it sink in before texting his friends to break the news. They took the news of his dad joining them well. Prompto seemed to be especially excited about playing with the King and began speculating with Ignis and Gladio about what race and character he would play.

Several hours later Noctis got a notification on his phone from his D&D chat. Gladio asked if his dad could come too although he didn’t sound as enthusiastic about it as he had been with Regis. Then again Gladio was probably as embarrassed as Noctis was now about the thought of playing D&D with his dad present. Noctis said yes. Why should he suffer this embarrassing situation alone?

The boys thought that was the end of the strange group building for their Saturday night game until Friday evening rolled around and a conflicted sounding Ignis messaged to ask if Cor and Nyx could join. Apparently, they had heard from Clarus and Regis about the game and he felt at odds about telling the Marshal and the Glave no.

Prompto was even more excited about speculating what the older members were going to play but Noctis, Gladio and Ignis’s enthusiasm had dried up somewhat. Still, it was a night where he could hang out with his friends and spend time with his dad. Noctis could handle a little embarrassment to spend time with the people he loved... or so he thought.  
  
  


That is how, come three on a Saturday afternoon, Noctis found his flat overrun by Prompto, Ignis, Gladio, his dad, Clarus, Nyx and Cor along with enough takeout food and alcohol to feed and drown a small Behemoth.

Noctis’s living room had more people than ever squeezed into it. As the Dungeon Master he had managed to capture one of the comfortable armchairs while his dad stole the other. Clarus, Cor and Nyx had made themselves at home on his sofa leaving Ignis, Gladio and Prompto to sprawl out on the floor with a mixture of beanbags and throw pillows for comfort.

“Ok guys no human characters.” Noctis began to set up his DM screen and pull his dungeon masters guide, player handbooks and monster Manuel out of the Armiger.

“But humans get all the good starting bonuses for being well... Human.” Nyx pulled a player’s handbook out of the stack of books now on the table.

“Last time I checked you’re all human and the point of tonight is to play something completely different than what you normally would be.” Noctis smirked and shot a glance at Gladio “well I’ll let Gladio play a human. It will give him a break from being a Behemoth.”

The group laughed at Gladio’s growl “I’m going to play a Gnome just to fuck with you all.”

Regis levelled a serious look at Noctis “Did you just pull D&D books out of the Armiger? You know that’s not the purpose of that.”

“Er... yeah” Noctis scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Give him a break Reggie,” Clarus handed him a glass of whiskey “it’s not the worst thing he could have stored in there.”

Regis sighed “True but I’m trying to teach my son to be responsible with the power of the crystal.”

“I understand that Regis but he’s still basically a kid. Let him live a little. It’s not like back in collage when you...” Cor was cut off mid-sentence as Regis purposefully cut him off.

“Right no humans.” Regis turned the discussion back to character building, “How about half humans?”

“I feel there is more to that story majesty.” Ignis quirked his eyebrow while sipping his drink “perhaps a bit later once everyone is a bit more relaxed.”

Noctis really not wanting to hear exactly what his dad had kept in the Armiger when he was in collage was more than happy to grab the change of conversation and wield it as if it was his engine blade. “Yeah, half human races are up for grabs. Also Specks, Nyx if I find you two anywhere near the rouge pages, I will make you both play clerics.”

“Ah come on.” Nyx threw his hands in the air “it’s not like I run around everyday pickpocketing, stealing treasure and charming the pants off of pretty wenches.”

“No. You just leave it to those nights down at the Galabadina quarter.” Cor mumbled as he fought Clarus for the last pot stickers.

“Hey that’s character assassination right there.” As Nyx took a big bite out of his spring rolls.

“Only if not proven to be true,” Ignis pushed up his glasses “and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I’m currently viewing the Warlocks Noct.”

“Yeah, and that’s only because they didn’t translate Aladrin and Psyonics over this time to 5th edition.” Prompto rolled up his slice of pizza and took a huge bite. “Why do you always try to break the game with the most broken class and race combo?”

“It’s not broken it’s just making informed decisions on what race works best with which class and from there...” Ignis was off on one of his min-maxing lectures again.

Gladio shrugged “It’s Iggy. When has he ever shut off that strategist brain of his?”

Noctis head popped up from his notes again, “Good point. No Elves either Specks. Pick something else or I’ll make you a Kobold!”

Ignis’s nose wrinkled but it seemed to do the job as he flipped forward in his players handbook.

“Done!” In the blink of any eye Noctis had three character sheets thrust in front of him from Gladio, Cor and Prompto to look over. He didn’t get far before he sighed.

“Gladio you can’t play a paladin. Even if it is a Gnome paladin.” Noctis gave a good impression of Ignis’s long suffering look at the three. “Cor choose something other than the warrior class and Prompto I am not going to sit through you trying to define that bows and guns are two separate things. They are both still ranged combat. You do that normally pick something else.”

“But in real life I’m nothing like a Paladin!” Gladio protested. “They can heal and shit with lay on hands. It’s you and Iggy that are the magic using healers I have to use potions.”

“And that small difference is supposed to mean that a Gnome version of you with mace and shield is not just what you normally do but with healing magic.” Noctis was not about to let this fly under his radar.

“He’s got a point son.” Clarus was still scribbling away on his character sheet. “Any way you want to look at it a Paladin is basically this games version of a shield.”

“But I get cool marks and healing abilities in this that I don’t get in real life. That’s totally different.” Gladio protested.

“So, it’s the healing things you find cool?” Noctis asked. “Fine I can fix the three of you in one go.” Noctis did some corrections to the sheets in front of him and handed them back to Gladio, Prompto and Cor.

“Hey Noct, you just switched mine, Gladio and Cor’s sheets?” Prompto was currently holding a Dragonborn Paladin, Cor was the new owner of a Half Elf ranger and Gladio,

“A Gnome Cleric? You can’t be serious?” Gladio glared at his sheet as if it had just let out a fart at a funeral.

“Yep. Dead serious.” Noctis nodded at the three. “I said something completely different from what you guys normally do. You chose to be a Gnome and were hyped up about healing magic so Cleric for you. As for Prom and Cor same goes for them. At least I let you stay a Gnome. Prom and Cor got each other’s Races too.”

“Cool! Dragonborn Paladin.” Prompto gazed over his stats. “Look at my starting armour class! I’m a beast!”

“I know that’s why I picked it.” Cor scowled down at his half elf ranger. “What the hell sort of armour class is this? Everything and it’s granny will be able to take me down with this!”

“You’re a RANGER, the clue is in the name.” Prompto supplied helpfully “You need lighter armour so you can move and shoot from a distance. If you’re in close combat something went wrong.”

“If you think your armour class is pitiful may I remind you that magic users start off and are stuck in robes?” Ignis passed his sheet to Noctis, “At least you start with a better hit point score.”

“Fine Specks” Noctis handed his sheet back “Not sure exactly how a Warlock is much different than you without Ebony for a day, but I’ll let it slide since you at least went Tiefling not an Elf.”

Clarus, Nyx and Regis in turn handed their sheets over to be checked and Noctis could find no fault with their choices. A halfling rouge, half Orc barbarian and an elf bard in succession. It had to be a good omen for the night that at least he didn’t have to wrestle with his father and Clarus over character creation. This could be a good night.

Character writing had surprisingly gone smoothly even with Regis’s comment of how he hadn’t played since 2nd edition and Nyx’s complaints of 5th edition had been too streamlined just to bring in a bigger market. After forty minutes everyone had their equipment, starting spells ready for use and gear sorted to go and the fledgling party had all met at the adventurer’s guild for their first ever mission together. During this time, the alcohol had been liberally passed around and even Noctis and Prompto had been handed a beer or two. The atmosphere had lost its nervous edge as all had settled in and were ready to go.

“Gentlemen, Lady welcome to the city of Neverwinter. I am” Noctis was cut off by Clarus.

“Lady? Who’s playing a girl?” He looked at Nyx.

“Hey, don’t look at me I’m all man this time.” Nyx smiled with a twinkle in his eye “Well part man, part Orc but completely Male.”

“I am.” Ignis’s shifted his weight on a beanbag, “Is there a problem with that?”

“Not until later would be my guess.” Cor gave Regis a tired look.

“No. No problem at all.” Clarus looked at his watch. “I give it two hours.”

“Put me down for three and a half. Ignis looks like he’ll be a handful.” Nyx crossed his leg over his knee and drank deeply from his beer.

“I’ve got twenty minutes tops.” Cor peeked over Noctis’s DM screen “After the adventurers guild we’re probably off to a tavern to find rooms and stuff...” he scratched his check as the younger ones looked at them slightly confused.

“Ok I’ll bite.” Gladio jumped into the conversation “What are we putting time on?”

“Yeah, as DM I’d sort of like to know myself.” Noctis pulled his notebook closer and away from Cor.

“How long it’ll take your old man’s bard to try and bed Ignis’s Warlock.” Clarus finished his whiskey and began to refill his glass and top off Regis’s and Cor’s

“Pardon” Ignis blinked up at them

“Dad!”

“Dude!” Gladio and Prompto spluttered.

“Clarus. That’s not nice Ignis’s Warlock is a beautiful chaste young lady.” Regis had a put-upon look.

“Erm... thank you your majesty.” Ignis blushed and shuffled on his beanbag.

Regis winked down at Ignis “Give me at least forty minutes and this divine creature will be calling my name as if I was a God.”

Ignis’s squeak of “Your majesty” and Noctis’s cry of “dad!” were drowned out in the sea of laughter.

Prompto always able to read a room well jumped into action to pull this game back on track. “Hey there, I’m Merthez, Dragonborn Paladin of Tyr. How may we aid your fine city?”

“Er where was I” Noctis nervously shuffled his notes around “Oh yeah. I am Captain Nox and you have arrived at a most fortunate time. “

“Captain Nox? Ah come on that old geezer is a terrible Captain! Can’t you use another NPC?” Cor flicked a small eraser at Noctis’s DM screen.

“Fine.” Noctis scribbled out the name Captain Nox and changed it to Drautos. “Happy it’s now Captain Drautos?”

Nyx held his side as he collapsed with laughter. “A Captain that is going to sit behind a desk while he sends level one adventurers off to a cave of Kobolds and certain death! Yeah, I can totally get behind that.”

Clarus, Regis and Cor shared a look as Cor smacked Nyx upside the head but said nothing more.

Noctis was mostly happy. It was a balanced enough group who were all on the good scale to some degree. He ended up with his player party consisting of Nyx as a half Orc barbarian, Cor the half elf ranger, Prompto the Dragonborn Paladin, Gladio the Gnome Cleric, Clarus the halfling rouge, Regis the Elf bard and Ignis the Tiefling Warlock and only female in the group. He knew he could work with this.

Well, that was until twenty minutes later. After meeting each other and receiving their quest about disappearing children in the market district the group had left to secure lodging at a local tavern. That wasn’t the issue it was what Noctis hoped they’d do to begin finding out more information about their quest.

The issue came when Regis’s Elven bard slid up next to Ignis’s warlock while she was talking with the owner of the tavern about the missing children and said “My fair devil lady you are indeed a sight to behold. With such pretty looks you wouldn’t happen to have any Elf in you?”

Cor and Clarus shared a look and smirked. Ignis went red and coughed as he pushed up his glasses to try and hide his embarrassment. “Erm no sir I am a Tiefling.”

Regis leaned forward in his chair and winked at Ignis “would you like too?”

“Dad! Keep it PG!” Noctis’s embarrassment was in full over his reddened checks.

Gladio sprayed his beer over Prompto as he started trying not to choke. Ignis looked like a guppy Noctis had just pulled out of the water and onto a jetty while the older members of the party cackled with laughter and high fived Regis.

“And how many years have you been waiting to use that one?” Nyx leaned over the side of the sofa to give Gladio a good couple of hard slaps to the back.

“Given the last time he said that was to my Human Cleric I would say at least a good fifteen years.” Clarus rolled his eyes while taking a mouthful of his whiskey.

“Good one Regis but you might want to hold back a bit.” Cor nodded once in the direction of the younger members of the group. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen Scientia this lost for words before” he smirked.

“Oh, come on Cor we’re all adults here I think Ignis is more than able to take a little harmless in game flirting.” Smirking he smiled down at a red face Ignis “Isn’t that right Ignis.”

Ignis dipped his head “Yes your majesty” quickly taking a drink of his beer and then fumbling with his character sheet to avoid making eye contact.

Regis ruffled a hand through Ignis’s hair. “Come now I am not your majesty to night. I am but a humble Elven bard looking to spend an evening under the stars with a pretty Tiefling warlock” he smiled down at Ignis. “You can just call me Alinar, Alinar Sharel.”

“Ok... Alinar” Ignis replied “sadly I have to prepare my spells for this adventure so if you’ll excuse me.” With that Ignis sent Keita off to her room to wash her hair, call her sick grandma, all the usual excuses to be able to spend the night alone.

Noctis coughed to clear his throat. There was not enough alcohol in the world for tonight he thought while glaring subtlety at his dad. Regis just laughed and gave a single shoulder shrug.

It’s not like Noctis never dealt with his players hitting on each other in game. Gladio and Prompto had that whole star-crossed lovers thing going on in his last campaign. Still, it had never been his dad. His dad that was now hitting on Ignis of all people. It’s just characters in a game. It’s not creepy. It’s just a Tiefling and an Elf not dad and specks. So, he quickly tried to move the game forward again.

“Ok.” Noctis said, “Since Keita has decided to call it a night because it is getting late do any of you want to do anything else before heading to bed for the night?” Hoping at least one of them wanted to hunt out quest information like Ignis had.

“Yeah, I’m going to challenge the Gnome and the Dragonborn to a drinking contest.” Nyx finished his beer and reached down for a new one. “Come tiny and stout ones let me see a true measure of the men you are! Drink with me this night for good blessings for tomorrow’s travels.”

“Cool Barbarian! You’re on! Let’s do this!” Prompto’s Dragonborn Merthez joined in with Nyx’s Grog at the table.

“Hey, don’t count me out just coz I’m short I’ll show you all how a gnome handles his liquor!” Gladio’s Gnome Tekper hopped up for an oversized in his hand’s tankard.

After several rounds of constitution saves and just a little swearing from Gladio and Nyx, Prompto emerged as the winner of the drinking contest before all three of their characters fell asleep at the table. Regis’s Elf bard had disappeared to bed with a serving wench, much to Noctis’s discomfort which only left Clarus.

“Anything you want to do before you call it a night?” Noctis asked hoping for a no. What he got made the whole room minus Gladio and Ignis bust their guts with laughter.

“Yeah, there is a little something” Clarus nodded and smirked at Regis “I want to sneak into the Tiefling’s room and steal her underwear and then stuff it in Regis’s travel pack.”

It was almost like an out of body experience for Noctis now. He could hear himself asking for the sleight of hand checks and stealth checks for Clarus’s halfling to pull off his intended underwear hist and frame job. He saw Clarus pass his tests clearly each time to accomplish his characters goal. He just couldn’t believe that he was in a situation where he was role playing through his dad’s best friend and shield stealing Ignis’s underwear. There was not enough beer for this. Still, they were going to be leaving the tavern in the morning to begin their quest. It’s not like it could get much worse.

Ignis was faced with the embarrassing character choice of trying to locate his underwear or go commando for the day. Noctis felt sorry for him so said he had an extra set in his travel pack which was met with loud booing from the rest.

Gladio, Nyx and Prompto tried to spend the small amount of the party’s funds on hangover cures while Regis’s Elf waxed lyrical about the disappointment of a human when one’s palate was set for Tiefling.

Thankfully Clarus and his rouge had actually bothered to ask the locals around the tavern who were able to catch him up with the missing information that Ignis’s Warlock had been scared away from by his dad.

“Yes, late at night the sound of music comes from the sewers. All those who have set foot down there do not return.” Noctis relayed in a high-pitched voice. “We fear for our children, but no one as yet has been able to save them”.

“Come on Noct! Giant rats in a sewer. This is kids’ stuff give us something harder!” Prompto complained over his fourth beer that night.

“Yeah, I like the pied piper thing you’ve got going on here but come on!” Gladio leaned over the table to poke Noctis on the shoulder.

“If you don’t like the setting or the adventure you run something next time.” Noctis grumbled into his DM screen.

“Fine, fine” Gladio slumped back in his pillow pile “Oh wise hag never before has Neverwinter encountered adventures as noble and skilled as us. We will have your children return to you within the day.”

“Hag? Hag? How dare you I’m only 20!” The woman slapped Gladio’s Gnome and stalked off into the crowd.

“Dude? That was your young woman voice?” Prompto spluttered “Man I’m with Gladio she sounded old!”

“Yeah! With a voice like that how was I supposed to know I was taking to a YOUNG woman. Man, I thought Countessa La Vox had just appeared in your game.” Gladio shuddered.

“That’s why you have to listen to Noct’s description of people son.” Clarus playfully punched Regis on the shoulder “It looks like Noct got his acting ability from his dad. Regis is just as woeful.”

“It’s not that bad!” Regis grumbled.

“Yeah, it’s not.” Cor added. “At least with Noct you could tell it WAS a woman not a goblin.”

Regis bounced a pencil of his head in retaliation.

Finally, Noctis had managed to get the party down into the sewers after a hellish shopping spree where Nyx’s intimidation check failed so he was now seen as a timid half orc who couldn’t raise his voice to a mouse. Regis tried to buy Ignis new underwear and was confronted by the party and Ignis of why new underwear was needed and why he had known. The last straw had been Prompto’s critical twenty pass when he’d tried to and successfully bought an owlbear cub.

The first few encounters had gone relatively smoothly. No major injuries or deaths and then Clarus critically botched his search for traps and Cor had decided rats were not really a match for level one, half elf ranger, so he’d be fine to go in with a short sword. Only to critically botch his attack roll. Noctis was beginning to feel a headache coming on.

“Hey not all of us start with an armour class over sixteen you know.” Cor complained as his ranger failed his first death saving throw.

“Yes, but not all of us that are good at range ran forward going ‘Rats? Is that all you’re going to throw at us.” Ignis sipped his beer and rolled his eyes at Cor.

“Eh the paladins up next so Prompto can just lay those big old, scaled hands on ya and you’ll be fine.” Nyx shrugged. “Would have been better if our rouge had passed his trap check.”

“If Regis had inspired me not Ignis just to get away with saying that he was ‘carrying a touch for the hot as hell bad ass inferno Tiefling! Light my fire baby!’ I would have.’” Clarus elbowed Cor.

“It’s fine dudes. I got this! Noct I move to Cor and lay on hands.” Prompto moved beside Cor for his spell to work.

“Hey! Hey Prompto, you finally got your hands on Cor!” Gladio was deep into his third whiskey after three beers “be careful were you touch him, or he might sue you for sexual harassment or something.”

“G G Gladio. Shut up! I’m just touching his arm.” Prompto blushed and hit Gladio with a pillow.

“Shame. Don’t see why Regis is the only one to get some in-game loving!” Cor winked at Prompto sending Gladio and the elder males into another round of raucous laughter.

“He has no in-game loving to get. He’d have better luck with the Gnome than me currently.” Ignis dusted some potato chip crumbs onto a napkin and hit a giant rat with an Eldritch blast.

“Don’t be so sure sweet thing I feel we just have to wait for our stars to align.” Regis moved his bard to stand next to Ignis’s Warlock. “How about once we rescue these pesky children from that evil pipe playing paedophile we make the memory of this grungy sewer a thing of the past? You, me, my room until morning?”

“Hey, don’t drag my poor innocent Gnome into this” Gladio shot a glare at Ignis “You deal with bard hot and horny on ya own”

“Don’t worry big guy!” Nyx’s eyes twinkled with mischief “Just means I get to take a shot at our sexy Gnome Cleric!”

“Nope! Not happening!” Gladio threw chocolate bar at Nyx.

Regis smirked “Charm person on Ignis.”

Noctis felt his head fall into his hands. “You’re going to try and charm Ignis’s warlock... in the middle of a fight with giant rats... Just checking but THAT’S what you want to do?”

“Yes son. That’s what I want to do.” Regis leaned over to fist bump Clarus.

Noctis just gave up this was just too strange. “Fine roll a charm test bu”

“Natural 20! Keita you’re all mine baby! Come to daddy.” Regis punched the air in victory as Noctis and ignis just blinked at him.

“Dude please tell me I’m not the only one that found that creepy?” Prompto whisper to Gladio as he nodded his head in reply.

Cor lent over the table to give Ignis a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. “Cheer up kid. Not like it’s the end of the world.”

“Yeah, that’s why we all played guys.” Nyx nodded his head at Regis. “Every time there’s a girl in the party he tries to bang them. Not one of us has a female character that one of Regis’s hasn’t banged at one time or another.”

“And you guys are all just cool with that huh?” Prompto asked. The free-flowing beer had loosened his inhibitions just a little.

Clarus shrugged “it’s just a game. It’s not like he’s hitting on us or anything.”

“Oh ok.” Prompto shuffled his character sheet around a bit before looking up. “Hey halfling? I heard that just coz you lot are short doesn’t mean you don’t know what to do with massive cocks. How about you sit on mine when we get back to the inn?”

Silence fell over the room as they all turned to look at Prompto.

“Dude! That’s my dad!” Gladio hit Prompto with a pillow.

“S Sorry! Everyone was doing it and he said it was nothing new, so I just thought.” Prompto ducked and covered trying to escape the pillow.

“If I find nothing better to do then why not.” Clarus shrugged and took another swig of his drink.

Gladio stopped mid swing to glare open mouthed at him “Dad!”

“Oh, lighten up Gladio, it’s just a game. I’d be a hypocrite if I got annoyed for Prompto joining in on the fun.”

“.... So anyway, the giant rats have all been killed and you can still hear the sounds of the piper from further within the sewers.” Noctis began before Gladio interrupted him.

“So, what did the rats have on them?”

“I dunno... fir? fleas? I’m not going into that much detail Gladio.” Noctis sighed.

“What he means Noct is treasure. What treasure do they have on them?” Prompto grabbed his note section with glee.

“Guys. They’re rats. It’s not like they have pockets to carry around Iron bangles or potions.” Noctis rubbed his temple.

“Yeah, but this is D&D! There’s got to be something good for us after killing a bunch of things.” Prompto pouted.

“He’s got you there kid. Used to have to Rock Paper Scissors to see who had to search the deep orc butts for treasure in the old days.” Cor mimed the motions.

“Hey that’s racist. No one is sticking anything up my butt if I die looking for lucky charms!” Nyx shoulder bumped Cor.

“Don’t worry Nyx you’re only a half orc.” Regis said in mock sympathy “If you die, we’ll just strip you naked of everything including your boots and sell them at the next shop we run into.”

“I don’t know if I could do that.” Prompto piped up. “That pretty much goes against my alignment.”

“Didn’t stop you when we found that dead Paladin and rouge a while back.” Regis supplied helpful as usual for this game.

“Er... that was different!” Prompto pouted. “I couldn’t just leave my Gods stuff and a fellow Paladin’s stuff lying around in the dirt of a sewer.”

“And that dexterity boosting ring the rouge had what? Just happened to end up on your finger” Cor flicked a balled-up piece of paper bouncing it off of Prompto’s cheek.

“And asking a halfling to sit on your cock is fine? Man, you really have some messed up moral lines there” Gladio rolled his eyes.

“Twenty-four copper pieces, a ball of blue yarn and a silver thimble.” Noctis rattled of the first things that came to his head in order to shut them all up and get them to move along faster to the end of dungeon boss. His headache only seemed to intensify as the night went on.

So, they went in and fought the Evil bard who had been kidnapping children with his pet Lynx. A simple enough fight for their size and range of party. Made much easier when His dad decided to Critical twenty his charm animal roll and befriended the Lynx to turn against his master. Much to Noctis’s dismay. Why did he put up with these people again?

The party were, as a whole mostly in one piece as they ransacked what treasures they could find in the lair before leading the children back safely to town.

Cor and Prompto got torn into it about whether it was right or not to charge the children’s parents for the rescue. Clarus and Nyx were trying to barter for a larger portion of the money they were hoping to get from selling all the evil bards’ clothes, even his long johns. Gladio was riding Regis’s Lynx as a mount. Ignis had used as many remaining spells he had as possible to dash as far away from Regis as possible and Regis was trying to a-tune his new flute to him so he could use it to ‘draw all Tieflings into his bedroom for the night.’

While the others had been free to drink as much as they wanted Noctis had been stuck with just two beers. That meant that as the night went on and the players found their interactions both funny and really inspiring Noctis had found them ranging from mildly irritating to embarrassing as hell.

When they all started to try and drunkenly come up with a name for their adventuring party including but not limited to The Noct-ettes, Alinar, his merry men and the Fiery warlock or worst of all Sensuous Sexius Maximus Noctis had had enough.

“Ok everyone take Dexterity saving throws “Noctis’s request was met with confusion.

“I thought we cleared the dungeon?” Ignis asked as he had begun to clear up the mess of empty food containers and beer bottles.

“Not you specks. You cleared the sewers with your multiple dashes. Everyone else I want to see natural twenties.” Noctis yawned. It had been a long night.

“What that’s unheard of! What sort of thing would need a natural twenty to pass!” Prompto whined.

“Not telling you. Now roll them up.” Noctis watched as he was met by one head shake after another. “Cool. Your all walking along the sewer when you all here a mighty rumble from above you all. Rocks fall. You die. All of you.” Noctis stretched as he turned from them all to head for his bedroom.

“Oh yeah except for specks. That’s what the rest of you get for sexual harassment of my advisor all night.” Noctis pauses at his door before he shut it. “I’m going to bed try and keep the noise down and don’t puke on my carpet!”

Noct’s door closed with a bang the last thing he heard as he fell into bed from his father was “We should do this again some time... are your schedules free for next Saturday?”


End file.
